Saturday, May 26, 2012
False Pride
This is a previous post but necessary.
Oh Lord its hard to humble when you're perfect in every way . . .
Ever since I was a small child I was treated with "kid gloves" by my family because I was a "sick" child. Mom and Pop were protective and many times overprotective. After the age of six I was never spanked, growing up on the farm I was expected to work but not "as hard" as the others and if I did not feel like doing or eating something it was not expected I should.
"Poor Tommy this and poor Tommy that. Its a shame he won't live too long. Too bad about his fate."
And then my therapist said I had narcissistic tendencies. Even then I was arrogant. I could not be self centered, I was a pastor. You must be wrong because I never am.
Oh well, he was right and I WAS wrong. And I have been wrong in many ways and many times in my life. It cost me my first marriage, it creates anxiety at work, business transactions, family relationships and, well, every element of my life. So what am I to do?
Christ said it best:
He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.
The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.Prov 3: 34,35 (NIV)
I am very glad to be a servant of God and recent events (last 5 years) have opened my eyes to the continued need to free myself of me in order to focus on others. I have been humbled and I have been shamed. Both excellent tools for the "swelled head syndrome."
Life is what you make it with the help and within the will of God. God willing, I will be a better servant to my clients and to you.
Webb
Oh Lord its hard to humble when you're perfect in every way . . .
Ever since I was a small child I was treated with "kid gloves" by my family because I was a "sick" child. Mom and Pop were protective and many times overprotective. After the age of six I was never spanked, growing up on the farm I was expected to work but not "as hard" as the others and if I did not feel like doing or eating something it was not expected I should.
"Poor Tommy this and poor Tommy that. Its a shame he won't live too long. Too bad about his fate."
I got away with murder, so to speak.
When I was six years old I remember my grandmother telling Pop, "I cannot believe Tommy. He lies to me all the time!"
As I grew older and gained more privileges. I exploited the situation. I lied, cheated, stole and manipulated parents, siblings, teachers and friends into doing things for me or getting me out of trouble. I took no responsibility for myself. In high school there were no curfews or groundings. When I skipped class and was caught there was no consequence. After all, when mom is a teacher in the system there comes some privileges.
I exaggerated stories or down right lied to make myself look better to other people. I expected to get the credit for the work done though I had little to do with the project. I received a "D" for an in-depth study paper that was only four paragraphs long. I would belittle others, criticize their efforts, discount their accomplishments, one up them with mine and degraded their possession. I would laugh at their misfortune. And if I did not have what other's had I guilted my folks into either getting it for me or provide me with an alternative.
As I grew older and gained more privileges. I exploited the situation. I lied, cheated, stole and manipulated parents, siblings, teachers and friends into doing things for me or getting me out of trouble. I took no responsibility for myself. In high school there were no curfews or groundings. When I skipped class and was caught there was no consequence. After all, when mom is a teacher in the system there comes some privileges.
I exaggerated stories or down right lied to make myself look better to other people. I expected to get the credit for the work done though I had little to do with the project. I received a "D" for an in-depth study paper that was only four paragraphs long. I would belittle others, criticize their efforts, discount their accomplishments, one up them with mine and degraded their possession. I would laugh at their misfortune. And if I did not have what other's had I guilted my folks into either getting it for me or provide me with an alternative.
No wonder my siblings struggle with liking me or tend to discount me. The arrogant me says, "too bad, the don't know what they are missing." The Christ in me says,"How can you remove the log in your eye and make things right?"
My good friend had a 1968 Plymouth Satellite. A really cool looking car. I had a 1972 Dodge Charger, pretty cool as well. But I could not help taking a jab at my buddy and saying to him, "Too bad its not a Road Runner".
Because I was not allowed to go to summer camps or mission trips or overnights at friends homes, I was given other liberties. Why? Because "I'm special"
I expected others to meet my needs, the attorney to keep my record clean, parents to pay my way through life and relationships to benefit me without consideration of their desires. My guy friends and girlfriends would cover my but with my parents, teachers, bosses. I got into fights, taunted the law and destroyed property. In my world I was KING!
My good friend had a 1968 Plymouth Satellite. A really cool looking car. I had a 1972 Dodge Charger, pretty cool as well. But I could not help taking a jab at my buddy and saying to him, "Too bad its not a Road Runner".
Because I was not allowed to go to summer camps or mission trips or overnights at friends homes, I was given other liberties. Why? Because "I'm special"
I expected others to meet my needs, the attorney to keep my record clean, parents to pay my way through life and relationships to benefit me without consideration of their desires. My guy friends and girlfriends would cover my but with my parents, teachers, bosses. I got into fights, taunted the law and destroyed property. In my world I was KING!
WHEN YOU ARE AS GREAT AS I AM ITS HARD TO BE HUMBLE!!
(Can I get a witness?)
And then my therapist said I had narcissistic tendencies. Even then I was arrogant. I could not be self centered, I was a pastor. You must be wrong because I never am.
Oh well, he was right and I WAS wrong. And I have been wrong in many ways and many times in my life. It cost me my first marriage, it creates anxiety at work, business transactions, family relationships and, well, every element of my life. So what am I to do?
Christ said it best:
Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--
Matt 20: 226,27 (NIV)
It is not for me to be served. It is Christ. If I serve Christ then its those around me being served and not myself primarily. By serving others a Holy sense of completeness permeates my being. There is an inner peace serving an outside world.
I am wondering if my choice of vocation is not a twisted way of getting the attention I desire. After all, if I assume the role of a servant will I not then be lifted up to a greater position? I surely hope not.
He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.
The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.Prov 3: 34,35 (NIV)
Life is what you make it with the help and within the will of God. God willing, I will be a better servant to my clients and to you.
Webb
Comments:
<< Home
Powerful stuff, Tom. Funny how over-confidence and under-confidence (my issue) both get in the way. My husband is very confident but it needs reigned in - he says God sent him me to be the opposite of Barnabas (the son of encouragement). I am the wife of discouragement, keeping him humble!!! But my temptation with myself's to give up before I start, also a fruit of my childhood. You've started a train of thought. Wonder where it'll take me! Do send the song you mention. Anne.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
